Archive for the 'rant' Category

18
Oct
09

Please pardon my language, i’m hormonal.

I’m superbly irritated these few days  for many little reasons. I was cramping like crazy today. I couldn’t find the remote for the fan and messed up my room looking for it. My parents decided to have guests over when they told me that we couldn’t celebrate deepavali this year. yesterday a colleague drove me up the wall, that i went straight to the assistant manager to whine. The noise level of the guests in my house earlier on, irritated me, i decided to take a walk by myself several times.facebook irritated me. the phone irritated me. the laptop irritated me. my parents irritated me. Certain group of people i used to know irritated me..

I wish to point fingers right now. but i know i won’t have anything nice to say. and i don’t want to hurt anyone right now. Like I’ve said before, if I won’t forgive them, then God will. cause unintentionally they have hurt me. Cutting those people out of my life would be the easiest right now, but its really hard. cause I’ve shared many good memories with them, for those 3 years. So I’m doing it slowly.Then once I’m done, I can safely say that poly life, those 3 years, was nothing special and exceptional.

Anyway, Wednesday is my judgement day. I hope that the scan turns out normal and the doctor would not remind me of how I might have cancer.And though I have this nagging feeling that nothing is wrong with me, it scares me to know that I was thinking of holding off treatment till few years down the road. I would have cut my life by many years if I did that.I tell you its not easy being a woman cause we are the more paranoid ones. and its proven that we are the first to report symptoms compared to men. After all that, I was thinking….Even if I do have cancer, I think thats when I’d start living my life to its fullest, and I think its gonna be fun. =)

On a happier note…

my special one has been my strength. I can tell him anything and he always has something to say to comfort me. I couldn’t ask for better company.I’m glad he doesn’t frustrate me as much as he used to. And I’m confident to say, he’ll be there for me if things were to go downhill.=)

13
Jun
09

sometimes your sorrys doesn’t cut it.

…..as human beings we can always try to do better. To be better. To right a wrong. Even when it feels irreversible. Of course, I’m sorry doesn’t always cut it. Maybe because we use it so many different ways. As a weapon. As an excuse. But, when we are really sorry, when we use it right. When we mean it. When our actions say what words never can. When we get it right “I’m sorry” is perfect. When we get it right, “I’m sorry” is redemption….. -grey’s anatomy season5ep21

28
May
09

a seam away from breaking

i can’t seem to understand certain people in my life… whether close or casual acquaintances. I seem so easily taken advantage of. Is it wrong being soft hearted…I can’t change the way I am. I get angry at myself for being that way many times recently. The betrayal and hurt from other people…just goes to show a person like me should trust noone but myself. And to the people who have striked me off so easily or just plain forget that i was there for you once…..thank you for making my life less of a living hell. really. don’t expect to be there for you guys anymore. I’m gone.

moments forever faded will burn you tonight

12
May
09

might be the answer to your question

why does life seem unfair to you?

my answer is: We make it seem life is unfair. If we look at it positively, its the mistakes you made in life that make you who you are today. Prob heard it a million times. but its true. If it wasn’t for the mistakes, we would all have child like minds. never growing and never getting stronger,emotionally, of course. If you live by the motto “things happen for a reason”….you’d know at the end of it..(whatever problems etc.) good things will come your way. It only depends on how long you take to move on from the bad things that are happening or has happened.

Whenever something really really bad has happened,I always thought it was god’s way of giving me a wake up call, telling me that I shouldn’t live my life this way.

I guess its all perception. how we perceive that certain situation its how we’ll move on from there. If only we took things more positively, there would be more good things to look forward to.

27
Apr
09

dream a little dream

last night i had a dream of you. in that dream, i felt safe in your arms. i woke up to realise you were not there. and realise what a bastard you were. i subject myself to your unnecessary critisms. and your misleading ways. why do you always have to build me up…just to watch me fall. and i’m always walking on thin ice. so afraid to step on your tail. i can’t be bothered anymore. call me a crazy bitch, whatever. i don’t care anymore. this is what happens when you push me to the limit.

Its unfair that i spend my time nowadays on the “what-could have been” and find my thoughts just wondering how the fuck are you?

* this is everything.

07
Apr
09

please have a change of heart..?

i’m feel like jumping around screaming ” its not fair”. she’ll be in so much luck. while i watch faithfully again.argh!

crushes!

I build myself up and fly around in circles…wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle… finally…

could this be it?

15
Mar
09

never before..

Just like how you felt how no one else in your life made things so hard for you the way I did….. the feeling is mutual

I may annoy you and irritate you but never intentionally…. like how you hurt me unintentionally too.

I was already feeling fucked but you provoked me further, because of that you got angry and refused to solve things.

STOP blaming it all on me. Made me feel like a fool.thanks.

Never before have i felt this terrible.(not that you really care…)That doesn’t mean i’m walking away without solving anything. Its simple to walk away from troubles/fights/arguments, the way you do it, with an excuse of me wasting your fucking time.

And no. I’m not ashamed that the whole world knows i’m fighting with you.

And no I’m not ashamed to tell the whole world i’m wasting tears on someone who hardly gives a fuck.

04
Mar
09

Time for self reflection and yogaaaaaa…..

I’m angry and upset at the same time. Half of me wants to rant, the other half of me justs wants to be all emotional. How now? But if anything, I’m really not wanted here, so its better that I go right? The calls and messages have stopped except for the precious few. And those who can’t be bothered with me……ditto.  I’m not to be used,so you can forget about the favours. =)

So it seems that I mean nothing to a certain someone with huge amount of insecurities. Who puts me at the bottom of his list cause he thinks I should fix my life instead of him helping me. I’m fine with that. Just don’t come looking for me while I’m gone. And don’t patronise me. Thanks.=)

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?

What if I fell to the floor
Couldn’t take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Come break me down
Marry me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?

You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I’m not running from you

Come break me down
Marry me, bury me
I am finished with you

Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside

Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am

Come break me down
Marry me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you

Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down

What if I wanted to break?
What if I, what if I, what if I
Bury me, bury me

19
Feb
09

its gonna be a hell of a weekend

So much things….so little time.sigh!

14
Feb
09

watch me…

sleep valentines day off.

I was unbelievably pissed today. You couldn’t imagine. I just felt like choking the person next to me.So i came back and decided to sleep. and i’m halfway through my nap or whatever. So i’m sorry to whoever i’m supposed to go out with.

Valentines day isn’t supposed to be so complicated.Fuck.( i hate YOU for this)

So watch me sleep it off!!!

Goodnight.




August 2020
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