Archive for the 'scream' Category

18
Oct
09

Please pardon my language, i’m hormonal.

I’m superbly irritated these few days ¬†for many little reasons. I was cramping like crazy today. I couldn’t find the remote for the fan and messed up my room looking for it. My parents decided to have guests over when they told me that we couldn’t celebrate deepavali this year. yesterday a colleague drove me up the wall, that i went straight to the assistant manager to whine. The noise level of the guests in my house earlier on, irritated me, i decided to take a walk by myself several times.facebook irritated me. the phone irritated me. the laptop irritated me. my parents irritated me. Certain group of people i used to know irritated me..

I wish to point fingers right now. but i know i won’t have anything nice to say. and i don’t want to hurt anyone right now. Like I’ve said before, if I won’t forgive them, then God will. cause unintentionally they have hurt me. Cutting those people out of my life would be the easiest right now, but its really hard. cause I’ve shared many good memories with them, for those 3 years. So I’m doing it slowly.Then once I’m done, I can safely say that poly life, those 3 years, was nothing special and exceptional.

Anyway, Wednesday is my judgement day. I hope that the scan turns out normal and the doctor would not remind me of how I might have cancer.And though I have this nagging feeling that nothing is wrong with me, it scares me to know that I was thinking of holding off treatment till few years down the road. I would have cut my life by many years if I did that.I tell you its not easy being a woman cause we are the more paranoid ones. and its proven that we are the first to report symptoms compared to men. After all that, I was thinking….Even if I do have cancer, I think thats when I’d start living my life to its fullest, and I think its gonna be fun. =)

On a happier note…

my special one has been my strength. I can tell him anything and he always has something to say to comfort me. I couldn’t ask for better company.I’m glad he doesn’t frustrate me as much as he used to. And I’m confident to say, he’ll be there for me if things were to go downhill.=)

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27
Apr
09

dream a little dream

last night i had a dream of you. in that dream, i felt safe in your arms. i woke up to realise you were not there. and realise what a bastard you were. i subject myself to your unnecessary critisms. and your misleading ways. why do you always have to build me up…just to watch me fall. and i’m always walking on thin ice. so afraid to step on your tail. i can’t be bothered anymore. call me a crazy bitch, whatever. i don’t care anymore. this is what happens when you push me to the limit.

Its unfair that i spend my time nowadays on the “what-could have been” and find my thoughts just wondering how the fuck are you?

* this is everything.

07
Apr
09

please have a change of heart..?

i’m feel like jumping around screaming ” its not fair”. she’ll be in so much luck. while i watch faithfully again.argh!

crushes!

I build myself up and fly around in circles…wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle… finally…

could this be it?

14
Feb
09

watch me…

sleep valentines day off.

I was unbelievably pissed today. You couldn’t imagine. I just felt like choking the person next to me.So i came back and decided to sleep. and i’m halfway through my nap or whatever. So i’m sorry to whoever i’m supposed to go out with.

Valentines day isn’t supposed to be so complicated.Fuck.( i hate YOU for this)

So watch me sleep it off!!!

Goodnight.

13
Feb
09

Frustration

its not worth my time, getting frustrated with people who don’t give a fuck.

04
Feb
09

Please..for today let me be emo.

aloneFor days, I’ve had this feeling of my heart being ripped out of my chest and i’m waving for everyone to see. But I’m being ignored. Basically i’m heartbroken and i have not felt more alone in my life. Everyone seem to be using me, going out with me for the sake of going out. I feel unappreciated.Really.Despite people knowing the shit i’m going through, its those people who don’t stop and question how am i doing. Sometimes I wish I could switch souls or something so that I can make people i call my friends, see what i’m going through day to day. If you’re feeling guiltly then you’re probably one of them.I don’t give a fucking rats ass if you all are offended by what i’ve said. Cause basically I’ve had enough.Its the right time to leave this place.(you won’t even notice that i’m gone).damn.

Just know We are A spec In time.

So follow your bliss And destroy the beauty

I’ll lock myself alone in a room
Drink until the clock strikes noon
With just a pen, a pill, and some paper
And maybe I will write a sad song
Or another cliche poem
Of the person that I long to be

I wanna die like Jim Morrison
A fucking rock star
I wanna die like God on the cover of time.
Just a blink and it’s gone
So baby pour some fame in my glass.

So kill the forest
And destroy the beauty.

I’ll lock myself alone in a room
Drink until the clock strikes noon
With just a pen, a pill, and some paper
And maybe I will write a sad song
Or another cliche poem
Of the person that I long to be

(Colors blind)the eyes
(Sounds deafen)the ear
(Flavors numb)the taste
(Thoughts weaken)the mind

I’ll attack someone with a switchblade knife
So that I can see their pain
I choose to be a serial killer
‘Cause the victims don’t get any fame.

I’ll lock myself alone in a room
Drink until the clock strikes noon
With just a pen, a pill, and some paper
And maybe I will write a sad song
Or another cliche poem
Of the person that I long to be

Just know we are a spec in time

07
Dec
08

Broken down in agony just trying to find a friend

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“I don’t have expectations. Expectations in your life just lead to giant disappointments.”-Michael Landon

I’ve been set up with a whole string of disappointments recently. From thinking that my friends truly care to people backing out on me to people thinking i don’t care , then those who bitch behind my back, thinking I’d never know. The most hurting one, is people ignoring my existence, whether I’m there to help…. to them just focusing on the ones they consider the love of their life.

Maybe I should stop caring. Maybe I shouldn’t set expectations. Maybe I should just give up and just depend on myself, instead of others for happiness.

Right now, only god knows, there are 2 people in this life that are worth living for.

“Reality is the name we give to our disappointments.”