Archive for the 'unhappy stuff' Category


Never easy.


*If I can’t fix it,I won’t force it. I’m walking away.


re: to whom it may concern

i’m giving you this chance to quit. right now, take it or leave it. cause if its putting that much stress on you,don’t do it. pretend it never exist because it didn’t change your life one bit.

i don’t need your sad selfish cry to said you’ve done your best or that i’m being uptight and bossy, i admit i have been only to stop YOU from sitting on your ass and to stop YOU from climbing over my head.

so don’t put decisions on me, its up to you guys, one last fight for whatever we have right now, at the end of the year. Its either you stick by me like real friends do or carry on sitting on your asses.


too much, too much!!

I’m guessing the people who have decided to hurt me are too ashamed to come out and say they were wrong.

To think they didn’t even noticed that I was gone.

No, I’m not coming out to talk to them, I’m waiting for them to say something, cause if these people even cared about me, they would have apologised instead of killing the one thing that was once going right for me.

I could have fixed it, if I had people to help, but nobody cared enough, cause I think I was asking them to sacrifice half their lives for it(like i’m that demanding)…

and if these people wanna say something, I think they should say it in my face, cause I hate the whole insincere, fake bullshit.

unless they would prefer complete ostracism?

if you think i’mbeing a bitch, let me tell you now you guys are the biggest assholes for calling yourselves my friends

thank you very much..


Reality hits you so hard…

the people you thought, who cared for you…would bother if you went missing.but in reality they don’t.

if you wish to say something, please say it in my face, thank you very much.



when i told myself that i wouldn’t settle for anything less. I did. During that moment, he told me he’s leaving his mark on me, he did. During that moment, it was sweet nothings whispered in my ear and he looked into my eyes so intensely. I fell for it. When that moment was over, he left like nothing had happened.

To be used, is the worst feeling ever.

To find out he has plenty of girls by his side, makes me miniscule.

I have to make him disappear, out of sight, out of my mind, out of my life.

If only it was so easy.


thank you for the music

My parents told me the first song i ever danced to was michael jackson and i grew up with his songs. at a very young age i loved watching moonwalker(his movie) i watched it over and over again and never got tired of it. I sang his songs as a kid. and watched him on LCD over and over again.

Its sad to see your idol die but anyhow i want to thank him somehow. its because of him i have my huge interest in music till now.


dream a little dream

last night i had a dream of you. in that dream, i felt safe in your arms. i woke up to realise you were not there. and realise what a bastard you were. i subject myself to your unnecessary critisms. and your misleading ways. why do you always have to build me up…just to watch me fall. and i’m always walking on thin ice. so afraid to step on your tail. i can’t be bothered anymore. call me a crazy bitch, whatever. i don’t care anymore. this is what happens when you push me to the limit.

Its unfair that i spend my time nowadays on the “what-could have been” and find my thoughts just wondering how the fuck are you?

* this is everything.


its not fair.


the last few days, i found comfort in you… its not fair that you left. Leaving me a text on how you hate saying goodbye. I’m sorry I didn’t give you a reason to stay. I taught things were going fine, why didn’t you tell me everything was not okay. I could have tried my best to help you…

I hope you’re coming back and I hope you’d give me a call wherever you are.

I guess we really won’t know what we’ve got till its gone.

P.S. I’ll miss you too…

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn’t think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can’t explain.
So would I be out of line if I said “I miss you”?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I’m wasting away.
I know I’ll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.


maybe i’m better than that…just maybe.

after talking it out and thinking it through. I still don’t know what i want from you if i ever talked to you again. Do i pretend nothing happened the way you do? Should i still talk things out with you? Are you even gonna talk to me? Got to admit, this is the first time you hurt me damn fucking bad. everything is just becoming worse, cause it hurts to know that you’re just there to talk to. But i’m hoping that you’d make that first move. to sum it up, things will never be the same again and its killing me.

You took my hand,you showed me how
You promised me you’d be around
That’s right
I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah huh,that’s right

If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong
I know better cause you said forever and ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I’d give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
‘fore they’re long gone
I guess I just didn’t know how,I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever and ever
Who knew

I’ll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
And I won’t forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong and
That last kiss,I’ll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling,who knew
My darling I miss you
My darling Who knew



‘I promise that this will be the last time you’ll see me. I won’t come back. I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I’d never existed.’

Edward Cullen, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.71

As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget. I worried—late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses—that it was all slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember them. Because there was just one thing that I had to believe to be able to live—I had to know that he existed. That was all. Everything else I could endure. So long as he existed.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.116

It didn’t feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I’d grown strong enough to bear it.”
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.118

August 2020