I’ve shifted!!!!

To tumblr.

Please pardon my language, i’m hormonal.

I’m superbly irritated these few days  for many little reasons. I was cramping like crazy today. I couldn’t find the remote for the fan and messed up my room looking for it. My parents decided to have guests over when they told me that we couldn’t celebrate deepavali this year. yesterday a colleague drove me up the wall, that i went straight to the assistant manager to whine. The noise level of the guests in my house earlier on, irritated me, i decided to take a walk by myself several times.facebook irritated me. the phone irritated me. the laptop irritated me. my parents irritated me. Certain group of people i used to know irritated me..

I wish to point fingers right now. but i know i won’t have anything nice to say. and i don’t want to hurt anyone right now. Like I’ve said before, if I won’t forgive them, then God will. cause unintentionally they have hurt me. Cutting those people out of my life would be the easiest right now, but its really hard. cause I’ve shared many good memories with them, for those 3 years. So I’m doing it slowly.Then once I’m done, I can safely say that poly life, those 3 years, was nothing special and exceptional.

Anyway, Wednesday is my judgement day. I hope that the scan turns out normal and the doctor would not remind me of how I might have cancer.And though I have this nagging feeling that nothing is wrong with me, it scares me to know that I was thinking of holding off treatment till few years down the road. I would have cut my life by many years if I did that.I tell you its not easy being a woman cause we are the more paranoid ones. and its proven that we are the first to report symptoms compared to men. After all that, I was thinking….Even if I do have cancer, I think thats when I’d start living my life to its fullest, and I think its gonna be fun. =)

On a happier note…

my special one has been my strength. I can tell him anything and he always has something to say to comfort me. I couldn’t ask for better company.I’m glad he doesn’t frustrate me as much as he used to. And I’m confident to say, he’ll be there for me if things were to go downhill.=)

i give you my all.

I want to give you everything I’ll give you my all
Because you gave me, you gave me your lips a gentle kiss
The medicine to cure my pain

I never believed the rumours.

Dear diary, my angst has a body count.

alcohol and left 4 dead is a good thing.

playing l4d while intoxicated is just love.

if only i was a bum, no job, nothing.I’d spend every waking night intoxicated and playing left 4 dead till i die of liver cirrhosis and blindness.

stupid numbskull.

I have grown increasingly patient, its amazing.

HOWEVER, i’ve become increasingly frustrated with ONE person. and i think she knows who she is.NEVER CHANGE i tell you this person, wasted my breath.

I’m gutting you out, does this make you feel safe?

Anyhooo, i’m not in love, dumbfucks.

just endless amount of infatuation. I feel like a silly small girl, dreaming of many things that involve him.

oh, perfect one.

” i haven’t lost anything, except my mind….”

Never easy.

*If I can’t fix it,I won’t force it. I’m walking away.

re: to whom it may concern

i’m giving you this chance to quit. right now, take it or leave it. cause if its putting that much stress on you,don’t do it. pretend it never exist because it didn’t change your life one bit.

i don’t need your sad selfish cry to said you’ve done your best or that i’m being uptight and bossy, i admit i have been only to stop YOU from sitting on your ass and to stop YOU from climbing over my head.

so don’t put decisions on me, its up to you guys, one last fight for whatever we have right now, at the end of the year. Its either you stick by me like real friends do or carry on sitting on your asses.

thank you

thank you for the uncountable things you have done and this as well=)

Catch yourself in conversation Cut the line to make me feel alive

‘Cuz you know I’m not alive

And leave me with your complications

Take your life, you feel like taking mine

Meeting god we stand in line, not alone

No, where to go, I’m not leaving Not going,

I’m not kissing you goodbye

On my own, I’m nothing Just bleeding,

I’m not kissing you goodbye

Trust to take the right to leave me Waiting under dark clouds for the rain

Praying lightning strikes a change

As history gets lost and As I took that final breath I felt alive

Meeting god to stand in line, all alone

Don’t let me go, don’t say good bye ‘Cuz you know that I’m not alive

Don’t let me go, don’t say good bye Don’t let this love die

Don’t let me go, don’t say good bye ‘Cuz you know that I’m not alive

Don’t let me go, don’t say good bye Don’t let this love die

too much, too much!!

I’m guessing the people who have decided to hurt me are too ashamed to come out and say they were wrong.

To think they didn’t even noticed that I was gone.

No, I’m not coming out to talk to them, I’m waiting for them to say something, cause if these people even cared about me, they would have apologised instead of killing the one thing that was once going right for me.

I could have fixed it, if I had people to help, but nobody cared enough, cause I think I was asking them to sacrifice half their lives for it(like i’m that demanding)…

and if these people wanna say something, I think they should say it in my face, cause I hate the whole insincere, fake bullshit.

unless they would prefer complete ostracism?

if you think i’mbeing a bitch, let me tell you now you guys are the biggest assholes for calling yourselves my friends

thank you very much..

Reality hits you so hard…

the people you thought, who cared for you…would bother if you went missing.but in reality they don’t.

if you wish to say something, please say it in my face, thank you very much.